All you need is love

I can't decide if I'm exhausted or full of energy right now.
Oddly enough, I think both.
That McDonalds sweet tea, no joke.
They are not playing around. I get goosebumps everytime I take a sip.
It's ridiculously sweet and with every sip I feel like my bodys going into shock.
Ahahahahhaa.

Yesterday afternoon my mom and bruce went away for their 1 year anniversary.
They were staying at this little bed and breakfast place somewhere in Pennsylvania.
Meanwhile, my brother was at my grandmom's and Anna and I were home alone for the past 24 hours.
Last night we went to the mall together and each bought something.
Then Jocelyn came over and we all hung out together until I passed out at one point on the sofa.

This morning we all went to church together and Anna and I had to leave 15 minutes early.
We went to get a quick lunch before I dropped her off at our grandmom's before driving to our other grandmom's. When I got ot my other grandma's we immedietly left for Exton to go meet my dad. Today she had to do some real estate up there and can't see very well because of her health currently so I had to drive us up there and back. The catch was though while she was showing houses I got to go shopping with my dad for my birthday.

I got some really cute new clothes and I had fun spending time with my dad and Tryn. Afterwards we met up with my grandmom again to get something to eat before she went to go do more showings and I went back to my dads house for a little while. When she was done I drove my grandma and I back home.

Her health has been strongly declining these past few years and she's having a surgery on Tuesday. The doctors are saying that she should make a good recovery. However, with her being a diabetic and her poor health and surgery complications before I don't think it's going to be that easy. On the way home she started talking about it and her voice broke off mid sentence while saying "If anything were to happen to me I want you to know.." What do you do when it's dark and your driving on a 60 mph interstate and on back roads and your grandmom is crying in the passenger seat because she's afraid she's going to die? What do you say? I held her hand and tried to assure her that everything was going to be okay and she'd be fine. She cried telling me that she wants to see me graduate high school and college and that all my siblings and cousins are so much younger than I am that I've been the only one that she's gotten to see all these things with and watch grow up and have fun with. I didn't really know what to say. I couldn't tell her that I didn't think she'd make it to my college graduation.

As I comforted her of how she was going to be okay I realized that the more and more I assured her, the less and less assured I was feeling. Her surgery is Tuesday, if everything goes well she should be out by Friday but be recovering over the next few weeks. If everything goes bad, but she survives, it could be a few months. A big part of me has been pushing this surgery into the back of my mind like it's not serious or a big deal, but it is, I'm just scared. If she died, especially the week before my birthday, I would never forgive myself. That would officially confirm my hate for birthdays. I'm scared.

Now that I'm reading over this, this post seems like such a drag. I'm actually in a really good mood and today was a good day. I just had a rough moment that made me think a lot as I was writing.

Ps, Jake please come home, I miss you.
Pss, Don't forget to write 'love' on your arms this week.

All You Need is Love -Across the Universe Soundtrack

Twloha
mailto:http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=18202636575

Okay, I've decided. I feel tired.

Weird mood

It's past 11 o'clock right now and I'm craving an energy drink.

What the heck.

I don't even like energy drinks, let alone carbonation that much.

What is going onnnnn.

Today was a good day.
I've been driving my grandma's nice Pontiac to school all week while my car is getting fixed.

I skipped my last block again. Although I'm only a teachers aide for it and he doesn't care, I really don't think I should make a habit out of this because I don't want to take advantage of him. It's getting harder and harder though not to. I mean, who wouldn't want to leave school every other day at 12:30 pm? I know, I know. Thankyoouuu.

I left last block and went to Jake's house because my babys done high schooool forever :)

He wasn't there though and had left his cellphone at home so I went to the mall.

Got an application from a not so friendly woman at Gadzooks, just may have changed my mind about working there. Puh. Went home for about twenty minutes and then left for Sarah's because she asked me to give her a ride to work.

I got to Sarah's fifteen minutes early because I couldn't bear being in my empty quiet apartment any longer. We went to Pinstruck so I could get another pressure ball because I'm pretty sure I swallowed mine last week when I was playing with my lipring, that's what I get. Haha. There's been just a break in it where the ball is supposed to be ever since. The guy was cool and put in a whole new lipring for me instead, for free. Hey, thanks, man. :) Then while waiting at the light 4 lanes over I decided I wanted to go to 7-11 and I managed to get all the way across. Sarah and I went in and got slurpees. Then I took her to her work and we sat and talked in the car until it was time for her to go in.

Went home, only to be there for about 2 more hours until my mom sent Anna and I on an errand. To which I was more than willing to do considering I've been dying to get out of the house every chance I've gotten today. We went to the AC Moore craft store to get printer paper that had a sea shell or beach design on it. Wasn't completely successful but we found some that may work. We also got a few things for Anna and I, and Taco Bell on the way home. Thankyou mom!

Home bound again, and for the rest of the night. Started my theatre project that's 3 days late. Figure I can talk my way into a B, no stress no worries. Started to research on Wicked only to be bored with that popular topic and then something new came to mind. Legally Blonde: The Musical, ahahhahaha. I actually had fun putting the poster together, for once it doesn't look like crap.

Dad called me, asked what I wanted for my birthday again. I don't even know what the heck I'm doing this weekend now that Jake's randomly going to a wedding in Tennesse? Let alone what I want for my birthday. Which by the way is 8 days away in less than an hour. Finally thought of something to tell him, Warped Tour Tickets, like I got last year.

Looking at the band lists I took notice that The Rocket Summer is NOT on there due to their Europe Tour. Not a happy camper, especially considering he wasn't there last year either due to the radio contest he won last minute. Oh, and Jack's Mannequin, they stop touring with Warped 5 days before the show I'm going to. Hahahah story of my life. I know I'll still have fun though.

God bless you if you read all that.

It feels good to write again.

I Wish by The Secret Handshake

"What the problem issssss."

Fresh bed sheets

Last night was fun.
Decided to go to Wawa instead for dinner and then saw Iron Man, which surprisingly, I liked a lot.
Drove back to my house, sat and talked for quite some time.
Jake Will and Ash Lew are officially together again. :)

Woke up this morning to my phone going off with a text.
Layed in bed for about ten minutes texting before Jake called me to say good morning.

I got up and made myself some breakfast.
I threw in a load of laundry, then threw some clothes on.
About fifteen minutes later my mom was getting ready to leave to go run a few errands and I decided to go with her since I was ready and wanted to get out for a little while.

We went to the gas station, the bank and then the pet store.
When we walked in Petco the local animal shelter was there with a sectioned off area with tons of cages with kittens and cats in them.
I instantly fell in love with this adorable brown kitten named "Kasey".
She was absoloutely precious and I must have stood there holding her for about twenty minutes and she just let me hold her calmly.
Almost had my mom convinced to buy and adopt her for me for my birthday.

Later on in the day my mom dropped me off at Jessie's house for a few hours.
I stayed from 1:30-6.
It was so great seeing her again, I missed her so much.
And despite what she says, her haircut is beautiful.
We talked and then watched the beginning of Breakfast at Tiffany's, which I had never saw before.

Then midway through we stopped it, put some music on and decided to paint. I had never painted before and we printed out pictures offline of what we wanted to copy. I was indecisive between Andy Warhol's Campbell's Soup painting, or Van Gough's Starry Night.
I ended up attempting Starry Night, and even though Jessie says it wasn't, it really was a disaster.
Hers looked, once again, just like the picture.
When I was about 3/4 of the way "finished" I decided it was too horrible for me to go on. I then pulled up Andy Warhol's Campbell's Soup Can and painted a version of that instead.
It's nothing good, but I like it, I had a lot of fun painting it.
And at least you can tell what it is.
Then at 6 my mom picked me up and took me home.

Today I was asked for the first time "What do you want for your Birthday?"
And let the repetitive questions begin with the frustrating replies of
"I. Don't. Know."
14 days tomorrow.

I love fresh bed sheets.

Up Against the Wall by Peter Bjorn and John

Working on my list.

A develop my own sense of style.
B write more letters.
C read more!
D look into colleges.
E start a conversation with a stranger.
F take piano lessons.
G 4.0!
H take my SAT, stop avoiding it.
I find a job i actually like!
J stop pushing people away.
K limit soda to only occasions.
L be good to myself.
M grow my hair out.
N chop it all off.
O score a goal!
P ... finish this list!

Another down, 12 more to go.
Scored my first goal yesterday :)
Nhs Girls Soccer made the tournament.

Started a new book for the first time in a few weeks last block today.
Read 122 pages, and borrowed it from the girl.
400 more to go. I'll be done by tomorrow.
I realize that makes me sound like a ridiculously fast reader.
I'm not actually, the whole book is written in poems.
It's really cool, the lines are broken apart so when you read it all together it's one poem, or you can read the lines that are seperated together and it's another poem. I guess in order to understand it you'll have to go read it and see for yourself :)
Ps, The book is called Crank by Ellen Hopkins

Date tonight at Hibatchi, followed by a movie.
This week flew by.
Jake's done high school, and happy birthday tor.
Right now, I'm just living. Oh, and I'm happy too.
I like rainy days.

Caravel 7-0
I'm #16 :)



First goal ever :)


Excited, right after I scored.

Too much thinking.

It's going on 9 o'clock.
I haven't touched my monologue in the past 2 hours.
And the last time I touched it was also the first time.
I know one line, I don't think I'm auditioning.

This arises some worry.
My freshman year, entering high school I knew exactly what I wanted to be.
I was going to be an actress.
Time went on and I began to change, I realized soon that it wasn't what I wanted and that hurt me in a way I guess. It was the one thing I was always sure of.
Over the past 3 years my interests have changed, along with potential occupations.
Here I am though, almost done my Junior year and more than unsure.
What is my passion? What is it that God has in store for me?
I'd really like to know.
In full honesty, my heart breaks a little because I'm not going to do this play.
Is it because I'm not putting myself out there?
Is it because I don't think I'm going to have any time?
Or is it really because it's not something I want to do?

I'm really interested in interior design and i really like photography.
Anything in the art category would make me very happy.
Will I ever find something I'm good at?

I need a job.
I'm going to call Perkins in the next few days once I work up the courage to ask for my job back.
I need money bad. $$$$
I have all these wants and needs and they can't seem to be fulfilled without money.
Well, some of them.

I'm in a strange mood.
I've been listening to this stupid song on repeat for the past 3 hours.
I'm jealous of your pictures with your best friend.
I miss you but you overwhelm me sometimes.
I can't wait to see you.
I can't wait to see you either.
I wish my phone would go off right this second with something comforting.
I'm feeling very needy.
I want to go to college.
I want to lay under the sun with you in the chair next to me.
Bathing suits are scary.
I turn seventeen in almost seventeen days.
I'm thirsty. I think my head hurts.

Jesus Christ by Brand New

As of late,

Prom was a lot of fun.
Jake looked so handsome.
Up until this week I've been incredibly busy.
Last week I smoked my engine on my car because I took a speed bump too hard. I'm getting a new engine for it and should have it back and running by next week.
No more soccer as of this coming Thursday.
Which means I can finally start skipping last block every other day and going home at 12:30.

Finally this week everything calms down.
I can finally begin to breathe again.
inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

Things to look forward to:
+ Soccer ends Thursday
+ Tori turns 16 Friday :)
+ Date with Jake Friday
+ 19 days until 7teen

Happy Birthday to Me by Bright Eyes