homecoming week,

This past week was full of things to do, keeping me busy and running around at all times.

Monday I went to the mall with Christine and Sam and got something to eat. Later that evening, I called Edrea and we went to Young Life together.

Tuesday after school I went to the craft store with Devin where we got supplies before going to back to her house to tie dye our Sportsmanship Committee shirts.

Wednesday night was the girls Powderpuff Football game. Froze my butt off sitting on those bleachers wrapped in blankets and hoodies with friends.

Thursday after school was the hallway decorating. Stayed after to decorate the Senior hallway, and made a new friend, who was grateful for my ideas. Left around 4, saw the hallway the following day, which looked amazing. No surprise that we won the hallway contest. Went and met with Holly and Devin, where we went to the gym together. Ran half a mile before finally stopping, hey it's progress. Tried out a few different weights, which I cannot do. Decided to get on the bikes and ended up peddling 3 miles, woooooo, before leaving. Came home, took a shower, and went to the Boys' Soccer game that night, froze my butt off agaaaaiiin. 

Friday was the Pep fest, which was fun; too bad our school doesn't have very much school spirit, but whatever. After school, I went to the cemetery, where I walked around for quite some time until a groundskeeper asked me if I was lost, I was. He directed me to where, or should I say who?, I was looking for.  No plot yet, grass not grown in yet; sod. After searching for all that time, and finally finding it, I realized I didn't want to and left quickly; disturbed. What's that saying? Nothing is set in stone? I guess what I wanted confirmed wasn't. Friday night, Ryan called and I went and drove him up to Maryland, following, I came back to Newark and went to the homecoming game, coldcoldcoldcold. Left at the beginning of the 3rd quarter when we were 26-0, or something like that, to go to Cereal Bowl followed by California Tortilla with friends.

"Oh my god. They think we're at a party. ACT LIKE YOUR DRUNK."

"Okay."

"HEEEEEEYYYYYYY GUYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS."

"WOW. Your eyes are SO dilated."

Maybe because it's DARK outside?

Ahahahahhahahhahah.

Saturday was spent packing up my room and watching the Halloween I-V marathon that was on tv. Got ready for the dance, went outside to get in my car, DOWN POURING of course hah. Drove to Ryan's in the pouring rain, where I could barely see the road, mind you, I also had no license with me this weekend. Picked him up and went to Starbucks, fortunately, it had stopped raining by then. Went to homecoming, danced all night, with people I did know, and people I didn't. Made an appearance at Connor's until I started falling asleep sitting downstairs, decided it was time to come home. Left and made a wrong turn, where's your gps when you need it? NOT WITH YOU. Decided it was a good idea to turn around when I saw Welcome to Maryland signs, called a friend to give me directions back home. Turns out, I was just shy from downtown Newark and Main St. a few streets over. Came home, passed out; one hundred percent sober. Thank the Lord.

 

Things are getting easier, and sometimes I feel guilty about it. I'm a little confused with what I'm supposed to feel, and how I'm supposed to feel it. I guess everyone has different ways of dealing with things.

I've decided I love fall. 

I had no idea what I've been missing all these years I've hated it.

I'm moving this coming weekend. And you know what? I'm finally excited.

This is the change I need.

New places, new people, new things.

Grow Up and Blow Away by Metric

Repeat over and over and over and over with the windows down.

It just never gets old.

lonelily.

"I gave me away

I could have knocked off the evening

But I was lonelily looking for someone to hold

In a way I lost all I believed in

And I never found myself so low

And you let me down

You could've called if you'd needed."

Sympathy cards will pull your head out of the clouds at any given moment. It's scary, because most days I just want to keep busy and keep moving, keep pretending. As my hand reaches for the envelope with my name on it, it shakes. Then reality comes crashing down and everything just starts to set in.

I dialed your number tonight, but this time was different. Instead of a familiar friendly voice I once knew, I hear the operator telling me the number is no longer in service. How am I supposed to reach you now? I've left you plenty of messages, will you please return them? You promised, remember? I do.

Fireworks went off the other night, which left me confused and talking to myself, or maybe I was just hoping that you were listening, that anyone was listening.

Some things just aren't real.

I'm living in a trance.

lonelily by Damien Rice

carefree weekend

Friday night Jocelyn and I found ourselves in the same situation, a friday night with nothing to do. Decided she should come home and we'd make it a party. She did, and well, we did. Joc came home from Eastern and we went to the Cereal Bowl that just opened up. Ordered the worlds yummiest parfait I've ever had; vanilla yogurt, honey granola, and fresh strawberries. Yum! Sat at a table close to the window to begin catching up, interrupted by someone banging on the glass mouthing the words "I-LOVE-YOU". Played along, waved and mouthed them back heartfelt. "Do you know them" AHAHA "Nope!" "Oh well.. they're coming in.."

Twenty minutes later, we're still tied up listening to them talk and shake our hands every few moments, reminding us of how beautiful we are. Lied and said we were both 19 and went to Eastern. They're being obnoxious, meanwhile Joc and I are sitting there trying to appear flattered, while making it apparent to everyone else but them that we weren't really interested. Took the one guys number so he'd leave me alone. Assured him I'd call, took off across the street with Joc as I deleted the number from my phone. They continued making a scene amongst themselves, looking like drunken fools.

Went to Edrea's to pick her up. Only expecting to see me, Jocelyn steps out of the car as well; surprise! From there we made our way up to 202 to pick up Jocelyn's sister from a football game. Got lost on the way and spent a majority of the trip racing up and down tiny back roads with the windows down, mind you it's about 45-50 degrees outside, while blaring avenged sevenfold. Finally got there, all of us crammed in the car and we dropped Jocelyn's sister Alice off at a friends house. We then dropped Alice's other friend off at his house. Dark house, no cars in the drive way, no house key. Run around to the back, mind you again: we just met this kid who is a friend of Alice's. Searching for open windows, Edrea spots one. "I can't fit through that.." "I CAN!" Edrea climbs through his window, run around to unlock the front door. Saves the day, er night.

An hour later we're at Jocelyn's house playing music through her window and dancing on the roof. Finally settled down, food fest followed by Disturbia, to which we fell asleep to. Woke up the following morning, went to Charter's homecoming football game. By the way, I don't even go to Charter, hah. It was a tailgate game so we got free breakfast while we watched for the short period of time we were there. Basically made an appearance and then left. Went to the train station and bridge where we took pictures. Came home, went to work.

Sunday after church we went to Main street to get some pizza. Afterwards, Edrea and I went to the park and I reshot a whole role of film that never took because I had put my film in the wrong way before. Drove to the train station again where we wandered off in the woods looking for a well, never found it, got lost. Had ourselves an adventure, made the best of it, took pictures, found our way back. All in all good weekend.

My plan for right now is as follows, if you don't think about it, you don't feel it.

Ignore everything bad. Ignore. Ignore. IGNORE. Carefreeeeeeee.

I'm surrounding myself with distractions. 

As long as I stay busy, always moving, I don't have to think.

As for me? I'm ok. I guess.

Colorado Sunrise by 3OH3!

If I don't wake up,

Things will never be the same again.

I'll never be the same again.

fasssster

Life is coming at me quickly.

I've had a rough week, but I'm learning from this all, I'm growing from this all.

Last Sunday I came to terms with myself. I decided this is it, I'm taking everything that life throws at me, that comes at me, and I'm taking it head on. I have friends who love me, and most importantly, I have God. I will learn from everything that happens. I will grow from everything that happens. I'm taking everything that happens, good or bad, and I'm using it to my advantage. I'm strong, and I will come out on top.

Wednesday Sarah, my mom and I all went to the trs show together.

Trs, Phantom Planet, The Secret Handshake, and The Morning Light all played.

Sarah met the guy from the secret handshake and had him sign her planner, haha.

Saw Tara, gave her the bracelets I made for her and B. I was invited to stop by the tour bus later on that evening, freaking first time ever being invited to that. So you know I'm stoked right? I knew because B was the headlining band he wouldn't be out right after he got off stage so this was a relief. After the show, I waited around for Alex from Phantom Planet to show up. Ended up walking outside to leave and there he was. Sarah and I walk up and he's telling a group of us standing there where to meet him at this bar a few blocks away to go karaoke-ing. So an open invitation to go and do karaoke with the lead singer of Phantom Planet? AND I'm invited to go and wait for B outside his tour bus. Unfortunately, with it being almost 1 am, my mother was ready to go home and none of the above happened. I'm still super stoked that both of those rare opportunities were even offered to me. Even if I couldn't take advantage of them, bummer. So no picture with B this time, but I did get a picture with Alex. I'll have to get that from Sarah later.

Slept over Christine's last night with everyone.

Sam and I woke up 10 minutes before we had to be at school.

Sped up and down Newark frantically trying to find another route to our 1 way street school.

Whoever decided to close down Main street for the marathon today, ON THE DAY OF NEWARK HIGH'S SAT's, way to go; I applaud you.

I took my SATs this morning.

It actually went by very quickly for a 4 hour test.

Perhaps I was so determined and focused on doing well that I took every second they gave me and used it to my advantage.

I do think I did well, for the most part.

However, math makes me feel a bit iffy of my score, which is nerve wracking.

I will receive my scores in 2 weeks, where next month I will be retaking them.

I'm hoping for the best.

Tonight will be a mellow night.

Tomorrow I will start my other roll of film for my 2nd Photography project.

The topic this time is: "Point of view" I'm excited.

Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus