And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky
And said whoever is up there, please don't let me die."
"It's only after you've lost everything,
that you're free to do anything."
I should probably feel free, but I just feel trapped.
Bitter. Bitter. Bitter.
I'm immune, I'm numb.
It'll take a miracle to reach me.
I really hate the holidays.
Managed to select the most depressing Christmas card I could find.
A lonely, tall and slim Santa looking sadly at you.
I felt bad for it, I understood it. I know, it's just a card.
Surely you've realized I'm one of those people that feel bad for dented cans at the grocery store, and avoid eye contact with stuffed animals.
"You feel bad for the Santa when you fear you really are the Santa."
She's right, you're right. That's me.
To all of you who got that card, I am that card.
Displaced emotion, apparently.
I'm so in over my head with everything, about everything.
Nothing, nothing at all.
I had the best sleep I've had in months last night, along with the best dream.
But nothing was real, I wasn't real; everything is an illusion.
I awoke, stepped out of my bed, walked around my dark, quiet house.
Slowly, but surely, I realized it was only a dream.
My mind is a tease.
Calendar Girl by Stars
2 comments:
The truth is, you are all too hard on yourself. And for someone who is as hard on themselves as you are, you feel no empathy toward your current human condition. You feel sorry for the Santa because you fear you are the Santa. The mind-fuck of it all, is that you arent.
There is a smiling girl inside you screaming and crying to get out. Breathe it in, breathe it out. Ask for strength, you already have it.
You are a brilliant girl, Ashley. I wish the best for you. You deserve only the best in life. I'm always here. You know that.
I'm going to write you a letter.
I love you. <3
ps, TAZOOOOO <3333
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