"i haven't been gone very long, but it feels like a lifetime."

Well, it's certainly been awhile.
In the past two months I have changed more than I could ever have imagined.
And even more recently, I've undergone changes that I wasn't expecting.
-But were most certainly well needed.

In the past two weeks,
I have experienced more hurt than I ever thought possible, and quickly made a holiday friend to accompany me with it: Bitterness. I applied to Savannah College of Art and Design; 11 hours away. Completely convinced myself that I was going to just pack up and move away from everything, and that all my problems would just magically disappear making everything suddenly okay. Started my job at Starbucks; I'm falling fast and hard for that place. Got a reality check, and a hard, hurtful one at that. Realized that right now, the best place for me is to stay here, and began focusing on my application for Delaware College of Art and Design instead. Started to face my fears, but quickly turned and ran the other direction. I can only handle things one at a time, despite the fact that they're coming my way all at once.
Talk about rolling with the punches -yeah, that's not happening here.


My break has consisted of sleepless nights and restless days; supported by thoughts that seems to continue on forever and bottomless cups of tea; thank you, Starbucks.

Thanksgiving was bitter sweet, or maybe just bitter.
Spent the day in Pennsylvania visiting my grandmother's side of the family.
Not many people were there as expected, or maybe it was just who I was expecting that wasn't there.
I found myself questioning why I even came in the first place; but of course, God had a surprise in store for me.
I must have sat and talked to her two sister's for two hours talking about everything.
They understood, related, and to my surprise; wouldn't you know, I'm not the only one upset over this. I'm just the only one dealing with it like this.
Arrived in tears, anxious and upset.
Left in tears, peaceful and thankful.Drove home with music blasting and the windows down, allowing the below 30 degree winds to fill my car; letting everything sink in; but not absorb.

The majority of my Black Friday was spent sulking in my bed sheets; as expected.
I suppose that's my own fault for allowing it to happen.
Finally got up, showered, and spent the remainder of the day playing reruns of November 2006 in my head.
I am pathetic.
Everyone just let me deal.

Life. is. just. weird.
I'm just going to keep going and going and going and going.


We Laugh Indoors by Death Cab for Cutie
Feeling a Moment by Feeder