rejuvenated

I got tired of waiting,
Wondering if you were ever coming around.
My faith in you was fading,
When I met you on the outskirts of town.
Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think.

I'm truly astounded at my lack of judgement.
It's ironic, really, how one year ago, the people who I tried my hardest to push away and had no interest in being friends with, have proved to be there and beyond in the end.
I feel as if God keeps opening doors after doors for me and I keep shutting them.
(It's a cycle).
I'm starting to understand it all a little better now.
This past weekend was every bit refreshing and more.
These people that have pushed their way into my lives, despite my efforts to keep them out, have been a complete blessing.
All I can say really, is that I'm just sorry for how I acted the past year, but more than thankful that they didn't give up on me.
I'm learning and growing so much from them.

Friday night I went to work.
In the beginning, I struggled with the espresso machine a bit, but started to get the hang of it.
After work I went and picked Edrea up and she came over to spend the night.
Stayed up talking about everything until 3 am or so.
Fell asleep feeling confident about life; rejuvenated.

Saturday morning we awoke and went to Border's where we window shopped around; coincidentally at everything but the books, odd.
Being the compulsive buyer I am,
I fell in love with multiple sets of stationary that I "had to have".
I was then escorted out of the store empty handed by Edrea.

Went back to my house where we started unpacking my boxes from the move.
Mind you, I moved back in October and still have yet to unpack everything.
5 o'clock rolled around and I took her home before going to work.
Somehow, something just clicked for me that night, and I think I finally get everything.
Work ended, and I brought over a bunch of iced teas in numerous flavors over to Edrea's.
She then came over to spend the night again, but ended up falling asleep early.
I stayed awake until 3 am again unpacking and sorting through everything.
Still not quite finished, but it's certainly making progress.

I received a letter from UD Admissions Office.
I have been wait listed, and you know, I'm okay with that.
I wasn't expecting to get in, and just that I'm being considered makes me happy.
Not to mention,
this was the perfect remedy for my lack of motivation, or in other words, Senioritis.

Tomorrow will be an interesting morning, with a nerve wrecking afternoon to follow.
At noon I will be going to DCAD, my top choice school.
There, I'll do a campus visit, and they will be reviewing my portfolio as well.
I'm nervous, because this is my top choice right now, right next to Savannah.
What if I get there and it isn't what I expected and I'm disappointed?
I'm not quite sure what to expect. I just hope it's right for me.

I saw a sign the other day when I was driving,
"Feed your faith and your doubts will starve."
Everything is just a red neon Exit sign right now.
The doors have been opened, but will I walk in?

Love Story by Taylor Swift

Body, don't fail me now.

I feel so unproductive.
If you'd allow me to, I'd sleep for days.
And the more and more I sleep, the more and more tired I become.

My mind is exhausted.
My body is worn out.
I'm exhausted. I'm worn out.

All I want is production, to know things are getting done.
I can't even seem to do that.

If I'm home, I'm asleep.
If I'm not home, I'm at work or school.
I never go anywhere these days or do anything.
Sleepsleepsleepsleepsleep.

I just want to feel accomplished,
even if that means just reading book after book; I'm alright with that.
I can't even seem to do that. I just simply don't have the energy.

I may have to get a 2nd job, but that would take away from my busy schedule.
If I get a second job, that eliminates sleep.

I've been dreaming a lot lately.
"I love sleep, my life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake."
My body is shutting doowwwwn.

Good thing I didn't have any resolutions,
because nothing is getting done.

I am in love with this life.

Well, I wish I had a parachute, 'cause I'm falling bad for you.
I can see the ground approaching now, but I'm not sure what to do.
I feel like the pinata, won't you take a swing at me.
If you could just crack the shell open,
I think inside you would find something sweet.
Well I hear you like a hunter now, your footsteps in the leaves.
And I would gladly leave my hiding place, yes I'm hoping to be seen.
So let your arrow fly and sing, I'm well within your aim.
Lay your traps for a thousand miles, and please don't let me escape.
Winter came to Omaha, it left us looking like a bride.
A million perfect snowflakes now, and no two are alike.
So it's hard for me imagining, the flaws in this design.
I know debris, it covers everything, and still I am in love with this life.

Rearranger

"I know it's impossible, but you should try to shake it off
And if you really wanna shake it off,
You gotta re-arrange, re-arrange us."

This is so strange.

10 months ago.

I don't even know who the heck that girl is.
Surely, it isn't me. She doesn't look like me.

Not even a year later,


Just wowowowowowow.

My portfolio is up, http://flickr.com/photos/sight-seeing
Although, the quality isn't that good since I scanned them.
I didn't apply to UD.
I am, however, applying to Savannah.

Midterms were this week, whatever.
Two a day since Tuesday.
I didn't have a 2nd one today, so I've been home since before 9 am.
Apparently there's no school Monday either.
Marvelous.

I'm weak, and I feel like my body is shutting down.
It's 13 degrees here today, with wind chill making it feel like 3 or so.
I'm wearing two hoodies, and three pairs of socks right now.
I. Can't. Take. This.

Curled up on the couch at 4 and fell asleep for an hour, relocated to my room and decided to get up at 8. I now feel like it's really early, when actually, it's getting late.

Dallas just told me it's -45 in Ontario, Canada.
Now I feel like a complainer, complainer.

!!! The Rearranger by Mates of State !!!
Wonderful, completely wonderful.

26 in 46. 26 in 46.

The end's not near, it's here.

Is there a hole in your heart? Or am I mistaken?

Well, yesterday was my last full day of school ever.

The rest of the year is as follows,

A days, home at 12.

B days, go into school at 8:45 am.

Yesyesyesyesyesyes.

Sunday was quite eventful,

Drove forty minutes up in Pa to go to Jocelyn's church.

Met all her church friends, and had fun.

"Are you Ashley? I've heard a lot about you!"

"Yes! Are you _____, I've heard about you too!" I love Jocelyn.

On the way home, my credit card was declined at gas station, and my $3 wasn't in my pocket.

I. was. stranded.

With no idea where in the world I was I was freaked out.

One hour later, Jocelyn figured out that I was right around the corner from her best friend Rachel's house, who I had met earlier that day.

"Hi I'm Ashley, nice to meet you!" a few hours later "Hey, can you come to the gas station I'm stranded at and lend me $5?"

Embarrassing, but thank you.

Jocelyn says God was trying to teach me how to accept help from others.

"I think he's trying to teach you a lesson to receive. Humble yourself and let people help you. People love you, ash, even before they meet you."

Funny, I was thinking he was morely trying to teach me to be more prepared and responsible.

Accepting help is really hard for me, however, I was put into a situation but I had no choice but to accept help, and from practically a stranger.

Arrived home safely, after being stranded for an hour.

Quickly got ready and my grandmother picked me up.

She sells jewelry for Lia Sophia, and there was a party where she was allowed to bring 1 guest, she choose me.

The party was nice at one of the woman's really nice houses, but I felt like I was with a bunch of Newpsie's, for you OC watchers out there.

Tried on several pieces of jewelry, and fell in love.

Fortunately, I can get them for free through my grandma.

For the love of jewelry, do I even need anymore?

Apparently, so.

Awoke this morning to find that I had slept in and missed my first midterm.

Well there's one way to get started on the right foot.

No point in going in forty minutes late and not having enough time to finish.

I buried myself into my covers, I'll make it up later.

I am proud to say my art portfolio is finally complete and will be sent off tomorrow to colleges for review.

This means that by the end of this week I will finally be finished applying to colleges.

Thank the lord.

Beautiful, Dirty, Rich by Lady GaGa

Three Cheers for Five Years by Mayday Parade

27 in 49, 27 in 49, 27 in 49.

Hello I'm in Delaware,

So there goes my life, passing by with every exit sign.

It's been so long, sometimes I wonder how I will stay strong.

No sleep tonight.

I'll keep on driving these dark highway lines.

And as the moon fades,

One more night gone, only twenty more days.

But I will see you again,

I will see you again a long time from now.

And there goes my life, passing by with every departing flight.

And its been so hard, so much time so far apart.

And she walks the night, how many hearts will die tonight?

And will things have changed?

I guess I'll find out in seventeen days.

But I will see you again,

I will see you again a long time from now.

My body aches, and it hurts to sing.

No one is moving, and I wish that I weren't here tonight,

But this is my life.

And I will see you again,

I will see you again a long time from now.

And I will see you again,

I will see you again a long time from now.

This song makes me want to stay.

But before I stay, I have to go.

Greetings, from 2009.

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep."

New years was spent differently than usual.
However, it was much more enjoyable than I had planned.
Painted Jocelyn's room until 11:56.
Rushed to Ian's to watch the ball drop.
3, 2, 1, Happy New Year, Yeah, Whatever.

Brought Ian back to help paint, painted until 3 am. fell asleep at 6.
Breakfast at my house the next morning, returned to Jocelyn's to finish painting. Edrea joined as well. All in all, her room looks great.
It's a deep purple with different colored peace signs all over.
I'll post the polaroids as soon as I scan them.

School has begun again, which is always a pleasure,
and Mid Terms are next week, wonderful.

I am, however, proud to announce that I have finally stopped procrastinating, and resumed college application business. Hoping to be finished completely by January 15th at the latest.

Now that the holidays are over,
I'm finally getting the 4 days a week I've been wanting from Starbucks.
I finish training on Saturday.
I've learned a lot, but it's not as difficult as I perceived it to be.
I love the people there, I love the environment.
I love my job, it's perfect for me.
And I'm gettin' pretty good at the Espresso machine, if I do say so myself.

I am really happy to say that I have finally buried myself into books again.
It. Feels. Like. Home.
I've started reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath.
I must say, it's written quite nicely.
Everyone has told me such good things about it, but seeing as I'm only on page thirty something, nothing too interesting has happened yet.
We shall see.

It's so strange to think that it's finally 2009.
I'm graduating this year.
I'm turning legal this year.
I'm going off to college this year.
I'm going to be on my own this year.
Sometimes, everything just seems so surreal.

It's midnight, I don't know why I'm still awake.
I'm eating ice.
Mind, please stop moving.

Well hello, 2009.
New year, New me? Unlikely.


West Coast by Jason Schwartzman

31 in 62, 31 in 62, 31 in 62.