secret keepers

When I want to meet someone, I find a way one way or another.
I decided that the sold out Post Secret event wasn't going to stop me from getting in and meeting Frank.
Of course if you know me, you know it didn't.
Arrived promptly, waited in the ticket takers line until it was my turn, asked if she had an extra ticket to sell and she gave me one. I pulled money out of my bag and she passively shook her head and said it was given to her to give to someone who wanted to go.

I thanked her several times before walking inside the room that had hundreds of strangers with secrets in it.

I felt a little lonely, yet comforted at the same time.
I can't quite express the feeling, just that it was there.
Afterwards I met Frank, and later that night emailed him expressing to him how I had never experienced the feeling of being alone in a crowded room like this before.
He replied, "We were both there alone -together."
Thank you, Frank.

Everything just seems so surreal right now.
I'm just here, but no, not really.
There is a college letter sitting next to me right now.
It's been sitting here for over an hour, untouched, unopened.
I can't do it, I'm afraid.

What if I don't get in?

It wasn't my first choice school anyway, but this is the first of more to come.
I feel so unprepared for this.

When I open that it changes something one way or another.

It gives me hope, or it tears me down.

I wish I could just fast forward to the part where I move far far away.

I want a lover I don't have to love by Bettie Serveert

3:21 pm, I didn't get in.